Seven Motherhood Truths From An Older First Time Mom

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When we found out that we were pregnant, at first we were overjoyed. Secondly, we were thinking, “Oh shit… we’re pregnant! As an older first time mom (I was 41), I knew that things wouldn’t be easy. However, I didn’t realize how much they would change.

From my body to my mindset, everything would different. And as we all know, change is sometimes hard to accept.

To my fellow first time older moms out there, you are brave women. Kudos to you!

Now that our little guy is heading into a full-blown Terrible Twos stage, I’m thinking about my experience so far. And so, I’m sharing these truths as an older first time mom.

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Our Pregnancy Story

We got very lucky with our pregnancy. We’d been trying for a while after we married, and almost sought out specialized help. And then, voila!

Chances of getting pregnant in your 40s are slim. A woman over 40 has a 5% chance of getting pregnant in any month. Whether it was positive thinking, stress-relieving activities, exercise or some divine help, my body was primed.

My husband was also keeping fit and taking steps to be as healthy as possible. The chance encounter between egg and sperm happened, and we were on our way to becoming older first-time parents.

However, like with any pregnancy, once the initial happiness wears off, and baby arrives, you realize how tough it is to be an older parent.

It was no different for us. And in my first year, I was walking around in a daze. There are some regrets as to things I didn’t do in the first year of motherhood that I would do differently, but that’s for another post.

Truths From An Older First Time Mom

In no particular order, I’m sharing what are general truths about being an older first time parent according to my experience. Some may apply to your situation, and some may not (lucky you!).

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Pregnancy Takes A Toll On Your Body

No matter how fit you are, there are issues you deal with as an older mom. Health concerns such as preeclampsia to gestational diabetes are some of the big ones during pregnancy.

Weight gain is brutal at this age. Your skin doesn’t magically shrink back to its beautiful pre-baby state. Stretch marks are often more prominent. And the sagging… don’t get me started on that.

As for my lovely shoe collection of size 7 shoes? Gone.

I’m now between a size 7-1/2 and 8 in size due to my feet growing and changing during pregnancy. Not to mention, heels are painful when you’re carrying a heavy baby or toddler on your hip.

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Sleepless Nights Are Brutal

So you’ve had about 40-plus years of decent sleep and all of a sudden two hour intervals are the norm. Two hours of sleep, two hours of feeding baby, changing his diaper and then trying to soothe him back to sleep. When the two hours change to 3 hours, you rejoice. When it becomes 4 hours, OMG. THAT’S AMAZING!

While younger parents deal with the same sleepless state, throw in age-related achy joints and back muscles in the morning. Sleepless nights for the over 40 crowd are awful. Not only is your mind asleep, but your body hurts. How will you get through the day?

And if you’ve got baby sleeping in your bedroom, your significant other is also affected. They can be like a sleep-deprived bear woken up out of hibernation too soon. It’s no wonder new moms get depressed post-partum. How can you appease everybody?

I was a walking zombie mom at that time from lack of sleep and stiff bones and muscles. I was in major need of pampering.

| Related: Moms Share What They Really Want For Mother’s Day During A Pandemic Year

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Your Joints and Muscles Ache

Further to my point about achy joints and muscles… Arthritis is one thing that can start to affect you, but also the odd positions you find yourself in as a mom can really hurt. Bending over to change diapers, draping your baby over your shoulder to burp or soothe to sleep, and even feeding can put a strain on muscles and joints.

As you age, your body naturally starts to hurt more from sitting in certain positions. For example, I can’t sit on the floor for too long without feeling an ache in my bones. And if you’re changing baby or your toddler on the floor often (as often happens with the Murphy’s Laws of babies and diapers), expect your knees to get a workout when you get up.

The same happens when you are bouncing a baby of about 15 lbs on your shoulders for half an hour. Your back and neck muscles KILL until you condition them to the new, awkward movements.

I quickly learned a few good stretches for drooping mom shoulders and upper back pain.

On the flip side, my arms were never more muscled and strong than when I was holding our little guy, trying to get him to sleep.

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Your Patience Is Thin

The older you are, the less patience you have for bullshit. This is true for everybody, but I think more so for older parents.

Getting kiddo to sleep has always been a problem for us. It’s a universal parental gripe – after all, there’s the “Go The Fuck To Sleep” book. After an hour of trying to get your crazy, sleep-resistant toddler to sleep, you can snap.

There is a moment when you will yell at your kid. A moment when you’ll turn on your spouse and mouth quietly while giving a vicious frown, “Why the hell did you do that? He’s now 100% awake!”

I admit, as an older first time mom, I’m not doing too badly with patience. However, there have been moments when my patience has snapped with my little master manipulator. Most of the time it was when our little guy was doing something dangerous even though he was warned, distracted and cajoled to do something else.

The lack of patience ties in with the achiness and lack of sleep. Who wouldn’t be irritable when so freakin’ tired?

And when the “mom, mom mom” calls for attention start, I constantly think of Lois from Family Guy. That’s me now.

Personal Care? What’s That?

If you’re in your 40s and don’t have gray hair, wow, you’re lucky. It seems my gray hair speeded up. I have more coming in now than I ever did before.

But the problem is, I have little time to escape for a visit to the salon. I’ve had to embrace the gray at times.

Being an older first time mom in my 40s with gray hair, makes me look like my son’s grandmother. But who cares? Not this mama when my son loves me no matter how crappy I look.

As for giving myself a manicure or pedicure, I don’t have the energy at the end of the day to do anything but sleep. “Me Time” for this mom is a rare occurrence, but when it does happen, it involves taking a longer shower than normal and blow-drying my hair!

You Marvel At Your Little Child and Love Every Moment

Despite the constant state of being a cranky, achy, older zombie mom, you love every moment.

I’ve been a part-time freelance PR consultant/stay-at-home mom for the past year and LOVE every moment I spend with our little guy. At this point in my life, I’m done with the daily nine-to-five (and often after hours) work grind. It’s a hard mental switch, but once you’ve done it, you don’t want a stressful job.

You want to spend as much time with your child as possible. And in many cases you can do this. You’ve put in your dues, you are comfortable in your situation and you know your priority is elsewhere.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Reality – Baby #2?

I keep getting asked if we will have another baby. Chances are slim. Not only is my age a factor but also a tendency for infertility after a first baby.

Health and energy are key factors. Being older parents is tough, not only on your health and sanity, but also on your relationship. It means you need to really communicate and think about the other person to ensure they are doing okay and feeling supported.

So, will we have another one? Although it’s been tough as an older first time mom, there have been many joys. I’d love for our son to have a sibling, but I guess, you’ll just have to stay tuned!

QUESTION: As an older first time mom, what would you add to this list of motherhood truths? What would you wish you had received as a gift being a first time mom? 

For moms reading this, if you need some inspiration for that so welcome “Me Time”, I’ve shared some tips depending on how much time you have for yourself. Read about what dads think about parenting as well. 

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